


Heika-nai

by DivineNoodles



Category: BanG Dream! (Anime), BanG Dream! Girl's Band Party! (Video Game)
Genre: Album: Märchen (Sound Horizon), An Elaborate Excuse to Have Kanon Princess-Carry Misaki, Crack, Dark Fairy Tale Elements, F/F, Fueeeeeee, Kanon Has a Sword, Snow White Elements, what else do you expect from me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-11
Updated: 2020-05-11
Packaged: 2021-03-02 19:09:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,300
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24131860
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DivineNoodles/pseuds/DivineNoodles
Summary: Kanon is invited by Kaoru to the Haneoka theater after school, only to end up in a play almost as depraved as it is stupid.
Relationships: Matsubara Kanon/Okusawa Misaki
Comments: 21
Kudos: 67





	Heika-nai

**Author's Note:**

> Did you know that one of Tomoyo Kurosawa's first ever roles was as Snow White in Sound Horizon concerts?
> 
> ...If you have no idea what Sound Horizon is, I'm not sure I'm able to explain what you're about to read.
> 
> CW: blood, involuntary manslaughter

> _Dearest Prince_
> 
> _We invite you to a wonderland of horrors, a land beyond myth and reason, where dark shadows lull sweet fairies into the deepest trappings of the underworld… the most ephemeral and twisted visions of Her Majesty await. Godspeed._

The letter carried no signature save a black rose with three times as many thorns as was realistic. Kanon had no idea what any of it meant, but given that she got the letter from Kaoru it wasn’t too hard to imagine who had written it. Even so, to be invited to the Haneoka theater so out of the blue was unusual… and what was the “Prince” part about? Kanon wasn’t royalty of any sort, and certainly not fit for that kind of imperious role.

Well, either way, Kaoru had invited her, and she had no reason to deny. She heaved open the heavy hydraulic door of the Haneoka theater before timidly stepping into the pitch-black room. “Hello?”

There wasn’t a soul in sight. The only light came from emergency LEDs in the floor, like misty lamps showing the way to the stage. Kanon unconsciously followed them as she continued to call out. “Hello? Is anyone here?”

No reply. As one last precaution, she began ascending the side staircases to the front of the stage.

As soon as her foot hit the top, a spotlight struck the stage center, revealing a tall, violet-haired figure clad in dusk.

Slightly startled, Kanon inched closer. “K… Kaoru-san? Is that you?”

The figure suddenly thrusted out both hands to her side, open-palmed and facing the ceiling. She had the same figure as Kaoru, but looked… bigger, somehow. Her motionlessness was starting to make Kanon sweat.

She crept closer anyway. “Wh-Why did you invite me here?”

A shadow masked Kaoru’s face as she chuckled.

_“Himmel.”_

She raised her right hand.

_“Hölle.”_

Now her left.

_“Fegefeuer.”_

And finally, her head, revealing a stark grimace that shone under the light.

“All that has been written, and all that will yet be recorded, encapsulated in the realities before me…”

“K-Kaoru-san?” said Kanon. “What are you talking about?”

Kaoru remained still. Very still. Abnormally still. From nowhere the trickle of a piano fell upon them.

And then, her laughter returned. “The players have conjoined upon this tale that weaves itself before me… cast with wool of a fleeting shape, and borne by hearts that bleed with the ache of eternal tragedies…!”

The lilt of a voice accompanied the piano as it grew ever louder. Kaoru suddenly thrust her right hand forward, revealing the deep black lining of her caped figure as she bellowed:

####  _“Come alive, my kingdom!”_

_BWOOOSH_

An explosion of fire and smoke shot out from the stage as the theater flooded with light, revealing a roaring crowd screaming in the auditorium as Roselia from the back of the stage blared out the loudest rock riffs the world had ever heard, sending shockwaves through Kanon’s entire being..

_“The domain of stories has been unleashed!”_ Kaoru commanded. “Come, fair denizens, to a land beyond imagination! Tonight we shall bear witness to another spoke on the wheel of despair, cycling forever through sorrow and pain! That very pain that gives this fleeting existence its meaning! _Willkommen_ to my beautiful, dark, twisted fantasy!”

“YES, YOUR MAJESTY!” screamed the crowd. Himari and Rimi were in the front row, frothing at the mouth over the sight before them.

A cavalcade of costumed dancers came out and pirouetted around Kaoru, who remained imposing and in place – it was now evident that she was in fact on large stilts (and also wearing giant prosthetic hands, for some reason). Sayo’s guitar screamed over the gyration of Rinko’s piano, creating a wall of symphonic sound that Yukina’s vocals were barely able to match. Tomoe suddenly appeared stage right decked out in fanciful robes and wielding a heavy tome, speaking perfect, unaccented English into a microphone – “The chronicle of history moves ever onward.” – before vanishing just as quickly.

Kanon remained frozen in place, emitting a constant _fueeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee_ sound from the pit of her diaphragm as her eyes refused to look away from whatever in the world she was looking at.

“Alas, the tragedy tonight is sinful indeed!” Kaoru laments, her immense hands making her usual florid gesticulations all the more ridiculous. “A most benign princess, cast to eternal sleep via an apple of deepest poison! Lamentations bleed into white, the same color as her skin, so contrasted with the deep raven of her hair, and the blue-gray hue of her eyes…”

The description was enough to jar Kanon out of her shock. “W-Wait, are you talking about—?”

“And yet, where is the one to cast her from her oblivion?!” bellows Kaoru, chewing the scenery with every syllable. “Every fair royal needs her partner, and yet this one has been left to waste in her lonesome! Only the tender kiss of a prince can rouse her from such tenebrous slumber… but does not such a figure merely prolong the cycle of suffering, granting hope where there should be none?”

“Cycle of…?” In the process of trying to figure out even one word that Kaoru was saying, Kanon remembered the letter. “H-Hold on. Is the prince supposed to be… me?”

Kaoru’s head suddenly snapped in Kanon’s direction, revealing eyes sharp and manic. “Thus a brave soul doth offer themselves before the throng! A noble heart burning with determination to save a most cherished love! Alas, will such a passion be reciprocated? Can one of such refinement even bear the churlishness of princehood?”

“I-I don’t know what you—akh!” Kanon suddenly found herself surrounded by shadow dancers who ran all around her with a giant velvet cloth, spinning her around and around in circles until she got tightly wrapped up. “Fueeee!”

Kaoru’s chortles echoed across the stage as her figure began to slink into the darkness. “Will cruel fate be averted? Or shall tragedy come to pass once more? Ahahaha… I’m look forward to the answer…” She bowed grandiosely. “Now behold this pitiful, scornful thing: the tale of _Schneewittchen_ _!”_

And with that, she disappeared.

_What does she mean by tragedy?_ Kanon wondered through her intense dizziness. _What’s even happening? Is Misaki-chan here?_

Suddenly, the dancers around her unfurled her, sending her stumbling towards the now-empty center of the stage. It took her a moment to gain her bearings, but as soon as she did she realized her outfit was different: an absolutely regal blue top outfitted with gold trim and epaulets, ribbons of silver dipping all across her chest as the tailcoat falls comfortably over her azure pants. Even her hair is done up in a low ponytail. She had a feeling she wouldn’t recognize herself if she looked in a mirror. _H-How did they change my clothes like that?_ She wondered, aghast at the thought. _W-Well, I guess I’m a part of this play now… I might as well follow directions as best I can. Fueee, I wish Kaoru-san would tell me about this sort of thing ahead of time…_

Exhaling, she looked around. The stage was now empty save for Roselia, whose music had slowed to that of a fanciful mirage. The backdrop was that of some sort of castle setting, with high ramparts and banners put up in the distance.

“Your Majesty,” came a voice from behind her.

Kanon pivoted to see Eve, dressed in full samurai armor, complete with kabuto. “E-Eve-chan? Wait, why do you look like that?”

“You have done well, my student,” said Eve solemnly, patting Kanon on the shoulder with a tender fatherliness. “There is nothing more I can teach you.”

“Teach me?” Kanon parroted. “Wh-What do you mean?”

Eve hoisted a sword from her waist and extended it out towards her. “The journey before you is perilous. Take this blade with you—it is sure to offer you protection.”

“O-Oh! Thank you!” It only made sense that a prince would get a prop sword… though a katana seemed a little out of place in this setting. She reached out and took the weapon, only to nearly drop it once she realized its weight. “E-Eve-chan, isn’t this a little heavy?”

“The only weight you bear is the burden of your mission,” said Eve gravely. It was unusual to see the typically bright idol look so morose. “I trust you will wield it well.”

Kanon unsheathed the sword, nearly blinded by the blare of the reflection. “Um, E-Eve-chan, is this a real sword?”

“But of course!” said Eve. “The glint of the blade reveals monsters for who they really are. How else will you slay the wretched fiends that plague this world?”

“Wr-Wretched…? Hold on, I thought this was Snow White. Are there fiends in Snow White? A-And why would I need a _real_ sword?”

Eve smiled—hard yet soft, like a grizzled papa. “Good luck, my child. Gods be with you.”

And with that she wandered off, the clacking of her geta resounding below the hum of Yukina’s voice.

Kaoru’s voice sounded from offstage, reverberating with all the hallow fancy that the sound system could provide. “A blade of steel to compliment the blade of the heart… oh, but what sound and fury shall come when such a blade is pitted against the wicked? Ahahahahaha!”

_I guess she’s the narrator?_ Kanon thought. _Is every line going to be like that?_

The backdrop behind her rolled away to reveal a knot of dead tree branches over a faint purple background, mist rolling onto the stage alongside a sound effect of lightning striking. Startled, Kanon instinctively drew the sword, its silver crescent sparkling under the stage lights. Roselia’s riffs turned enigmatic and alluring, compelling the audience to lean forward so that they might perceive what comes through the mist.

“Yes! Fall prey to the ebon gloom!” cried Kaoru. “The terrible naught that gnaws at will and turns men into mere babes… our prince is besot by the greatest fear of all… the fear of the unknown!”

Kanon definitely had no idea what was going to happen next, but she wasn’t sure that counted as fear of the unknown. Even so, it would be a good idea to not just stumble around like a blind lamb on stage—she should try some actual acting. “Um, er, I-I’m venturing forth! Into the unknown! I guess!” She began walking in a circle to simulate the journey, only to subsequently trip and fall on her face.

“Alas! What grievous misfortune!” Kaoru’s voice tears through the air. “This is but the first misstep upon the staircase of suffering! Oh, the prince’s life is sure to be a fleeting one!”

“I-I don’t think you need to narrate every action…” Kanon moaned, planting her sword and slowly lifting herself up. When gained her bearings she came face to face with Tae, outfitted with a feathered cap and a hunting bow. “T-Tae-chan? What are you doing here?”

“I got lost on the road of life,” Tae replied. “Or wait… was it that I was chasing two rabbits, and lost both? I can’t remember.”

“Um…” Tae’s outfit clicked in Kanon’s head. “Wait, are you the Huntsman? The one who was meant to kill Snow White but ended up sparing her life?”

“That’s right,” said Tae with a nod. “I mistook her for a bear at first. It was kind of a big slip-up on my part.”

_…Was Misaki-chan wearing her Michelle outfit?_ Kanon wondered, sheathing her sword. “Um… do you know where Mi—Snow White went?”

“She’s with the gnomes, right?” asked Tae.

“A-Aren’t they dwarves?”

“What’s the difference?”

Kanon didn’t know.

“Oh look, there’s a third rabbit,” said Tae, motioning towards nothing. “I should chase it so I end up in Wonderland.”

“I-I think you’re mixing up fairy tales right now…” Kanon muttered with an uneasy smile.

“I’m late, I’m late,” called Tae monotonously as she meandered offstage.

Kanon was certainly starting to feel like _she_ was in Wonderland.

Kaoru’s laughter boomed out once more. “So the prince escapes the first trial unscathed… but soon she will come against a most nefarious evil!”

The backdrop rolled away again, this time revealing a humble cottage surrounded by fantastically large mushrooms. The mist dissipated as green-yellow stage lights emulated a sunny afternoon.

“Ah, this must be where the dwarves live, right?” asked Kanon. “Mi… I mean, Snow White is probably sleeping around here, then.”

“Yes,” chuckled Kaoru. “But these dwarves are not offered names like Happy, Lucky, Smile, or Yay… no. These folk… these _creatures…_ are beings of sin, icons of torment and immorality that exhibit the most dastardly of characteristics! Seven dwarves! Seven deadly sins! Is that not fleetingly fitting?”

“Th-That seems a little drastic, doesn’t it?” asked Kanon.

“Hardly!” Kanon could somehow see Kaoru’s flourishing hand movements even as she was out of sight. “Bear witness as they trod before you, one by one… first! Pride! _Hochmut!”_

“Hiya!” called Kasumi, prancing onto the stage.

“Wrath! _Zorn!”_

“Hey,” huffed Arisa, meandering behind her.

“Gluttony! _Vollerei!”_

“’Sup,” said Moca, moseying upstage.

“Envy! _Neid!”_

“Hiiii!” cheered Aya with a wink as she pirouetted towards the center.

“Sloth! _Tragheit!”_

“Boppin’~!” sang Hina as she skipped out.

“Greed! _Geiz!”_

“Hello, everyone!” exclaimed Kokoro before pulling a cartwheel.

“And finally… Hagumi!”

“Hooray!” called Hagumi, dashing around the stage in circles.

“W-Wait, is Hagumi herself a sin?” asked Kanon.

“Hardly,” said Kaoru, the dramatism fading from her voice. “Hagumi is a blemishless soul who has never committed an ill deed in her life. I can hardly saddle her with such ignominy.”

Hagumi put both hands on her hips and beamed, proud to be a perfect human being.

“Wait, can we reconsider assignments?” asked Kasumi. “I dunno if mine is very fitting.”

“Speak for yourself,” said Moca, three rolls of bread in her mouth.

“I think _I_ should have Pride, honestly,” grumbled Aya.

“When have you ever been proud of yourself, Aya-chan?” asked Hina.

As they continued chattering, Kanon raised a quivering hand. “U-Um, dwarves? Do you know where Snow White is?”

“We had her!” said Kokoro. “She was in a big glass coffin and everything?”

“You ‘had’ her?” asked Kanon. “What happened?”

“Oh, we just accidentally dropped the glass coffin off a cliff.”

_“Fueeeeeee?!”_

“It was Kasumi’s fault for tripping!” snapped Arisa. “You should’ve seen that rock in your path!”

“Arisaaa…”

“Don’t whine at me! Own up to your mistakes!”

“RIP to Snow White, though,” said Moca, continuing to chew on her bread. “Can’t imagine the kinda internal injuries you’d have after falling off a cliffside like that.”

Kanon’s _fuee_ was now inaudible, nothing more than a high rasp.

“I’m sure she’ll be fine!” said Hagumi. “I feel bad about the accident, though… we messed up big time, huh?”

“Hmm…” Hina looked uncharacteristically contemplative as she crossed her arms. “Hold on a second. Something’s up.”

“What is?” asked Kanon.

“Well…” Hina’s eyes trailed upwards. “This is just my experience, but any time something goes wrong in anything, it’s always Aya-chan’s fault.”

_“Why would you tell them that?”_ Aya wept.

Hina began pacing around. “So for someone else to suddenly trip, and have it not be her… isn’t that a little suspicious?”

“I… not really?” Kanon replied.

Kasumi gasped. “Are you saying… shenanigans are afoot?”

Hina nodded grimly. “I am indeed. One of us… is a saboteur!”

Thunder struck in the distance, alongside a blare of Sayo’s guitar.

“B-But who would it be?” asked Arisa. “Are you suggesting Kasumi did it on purpose?”

“No way! Not Ka-kun!” said Hagumi. “She’s never hurt anybody! And you can take my word for it – I’m without sin!”

“Ohoho, the plot thickens~,” Moca hummed. “I think Kokoro-chan might’ve done it. Just a hunch.”

“Who knows? I might’ve!” Kokoro replied, beaming.

“You’re all overthinking this,” said Hina confidently. “We just have to think about which one of us looks most guilty.”

Everybody paused for a moment before slowly turning to face Aya.

“Th-This isn’t fair!” she cried. “I didn’t even do anything wrong!”

“Aya-san not doing anything wrong _is_ incredibly suspect,” said Moca, tapping a finger against her jaw.

“Pl-Please wait a moment,” said Kanon, stepping before Aya. “I think we’re jumping to conclusions here.”

“Are we?” asked Hagumi. “I haven’t seen anybody jumping myself.”

“Do you have evidence to prove her innocence?” asked Arisa with a cocked eyebrow.

“U-Um… oh!” Kanon suddenly raised her sheath. “Eve-chan—I mean, my master told me that the glint of this sword will reveal monsters for who they are.” She extracted the blade from the sheath gingerly. “So if I just—”

_“Hraaaaaaaaaaa!”_ screamed Aya in faux-agony, suddenly donning a pair of cardboard devil horns. “You… Y-Y-You’ve exposed me! Darn you, you dastardly prince!”

Kanon stared, slack-jawed and unmoving.

“You’ll…” Aya suddenly reared up and charged forward. “You’ll never find your precious Snow White!”

_“Fueeee!”_ Kanon yelped, shutting her eyes and wildly waving her sword in front of her.

She felt the sensation of her blade hitting something before the ground thudded below her.

She peeped open one eye, turning around to see Aya’s limp body on the ground. Without a word Hagumi and Kokoro hoisted her up and began carting her away as red liquid trickled onto the floor.

“H-Hold on,” Kanon muttered. “I-I-I-Is she--?”

“Oh by the way we dropped Snow White like ten feet that way,” said Hina, pointing left as she followed the rest of the dwarves behind the trail of red. “Good job slaying the evil!”

With trembling hands, Kanon stared at the sword in her hands now dyed crimson, and realized she had committed the most heinous sin of all: second-degree murder.

“Don’t you see?” asked Kaoru from above. “The only true monster… is man.”

Kanon’s scream couldn’t be heard over the lamenting careens of Roselia’s instruments.

She must have blacked out for a moment, because when she righted herself again there had been another scene transition. Roselia had vanished. The backdrop was now a simple, bright green filled with dark forest trees as a spotlight shone directly on the center of the stage, illuminating…

A glass coffin.

Kanon bolted upright, sweat pouring down her chin as she tiptoed over to look inside.

A girl with hair of such a deep brown it was almost black. Clothed in a dress of pure white lace from head to toe, her hands folded over her stomach in motionless prayer. The only hint of color was found in her lipstick, the light striking it in the same manner as a glistening red apple. Her chest rose and fell in the smallest, most delicate of motions. She truly was a princess straight out of a fairy tale.

“Misaki-chan…”

Kanon knelt beside her, resisting the urge to reach out and caress her cheek. Was she acting like everybody else? Had she gotten roped into this somehow? Knowing her, however she had gotten involved she probably wasn’t very enthusiastic…

“My, my. You look at her with such tenderness.”

The sweet yet menacing voice snapped Kanon’s head up. “Ch… Chisato-chan?”

Chisato – decked in dark violet robes and a imposingly pointy crown – sighed profusely. “Hi, Kanon.”

Kanon realized she was the first to refer to her by her actual name all day. “Um… did you get cast in this play too?”

“Yes,” said Chisato, her smile wearing ever so thin. “Kaoru begged and begged, and I suppose I was feeling charitable that day. Even though I’m not sure what to make of this farce…”

“I-I think I’m having fun, honestly.” Kanon suddenly remembered the murder she had committed not five minutes ago. “W-WAIT! Is Aya-chan okay?”

“…Define ‘okay.’”

Kanon trembled in place.

Chisato giggled. “Don’t worry about Aya-chan. Hina’s done worse to her.”

“Th-That doesn’t make me feel less afraid!”

Chisato laughed. “You really are pure-hearted, Kanon. Perhaps the role of ‘prince’ suits you well.”

Kanon tilted her head. “Do… Do you really think so?”

Chisato nodded. “Kind, strong, and brave… the very model of virtue that can inspire others to be better.” Her eyes drift off to the side. “Of course, the last person I knew like that _did_ style herself to become a prince, and… well…”

Laughter rang from the rafters. “The prince and the queen, in a deadlock of smoldering gazes… what sort of duel will their bleeding hearts produce? Oh, the agony is sure to be fleeting!”

Kanon had learned to tune out that voice by now. “I-I really don’t think I’m special. I always seem to just get caught up in the moment, never really managing for myself…”

“Perhaps,” said Chisato, her eyes turning to a kind sternness. “But here, now, in this situation… what do you want to do?”

Kanon barely had to spare a glance at the person inside the glass coffin to know her answer.

“Good luck. I believe in you.” Chisato smiled. And then, her face suddenly fell into terrible rage. “Why, foul prince! Do you really believe you can revive Snow White? She ingested my poisoned apple down to the core! The venom seeps through her very veins! Only an act of unabashed love could purify her… do you truly believe yourself capable?”

“I… I do!” Kanon responded, falling to one knee. “I’ll show you not with the blade at my waist, but… er… the bl-blade of my heart!”

She shoved whatever embarrassment she felt at that line to the back of her brain as she leaned over the coffin, the sight of those ruby lips growing closer and closer. She flinched for only a nanosecond before closing her eyes and pressing her face into Misaki’s.

She tasted red: apple, cinnamon, roses. A sensation straight out of a fairy tale.

“…Mmf.”

The smallest of movements rustled below her. Kanon tenderly pulled herself back, looking into Misaki’s face as her steel-blue eyes flickered open. She looked drowsy and dazed.

“K… Kanon-san?” Misaki blinked once. Twice. “Wh… Where are we? Why are you so handsome?”

Kanon’s brain immediately went to ten-thousand degrees and blurted out the only reply she could think of. “Wh-Wh-Why are you so pretty?”

They stared at each other, flushed to so much as exist in that moment.

And then… more thunder.

“Hmhmhmhmhm… AHAHAHAAHAHAH!”

In a flash of smoke and lightning Kaoru reappeared on stage, still in the same giant willowy black outfit from before. Misaki yelped and leapt into Kanon’s arms with the boom, quivering as she held on tight around Kanon’s neck. Chisato had vanished, replaced once more with Roselia, who by now were scream-singing at the top of their lungs.

“The evil queen absconds without a trace… what a twist!” cried Kaoru, clasping a hand to the back of her forehead. “But such a happy ending cannot occur! I am the weaver of this yarn… the teller of this tale! What is this play if not a tragedy, cycling forever and ever in piteous acrimony?!”

“I-I don’t know what you’re talking about!” yelped Kanon, struggling to hold Misaki up with one arm – she’d landed in an awkward position and couldn’t reach her other one underneath for support.

“No matter!” Kaoru bellowed, suddenly pulling back with crazed eyes. “The storyteller must intervene herself, to give this doleful tale its bitter end! Oh, the fleeting humanity!”

Rock music soared through the air as she fell into hysterics. Without so much as another warning she lunged forward, her giant prosthetic hands outstretched in a manner that made her look more like Frankenstein’s monster than any mad bard.

_“Fueeeeeeeeeee!”_ Kanon, in a flash of pure instinct, reached for the sword at her waist with her open hand and—in a move that an iai master could only dream of performing—unsheathed it with a perfect slice.

For the second time that day, red spurted across the stage floor.

Kanon and Misaki could do nothing but ratchet around slowly as they stared, transfixed upon the still smiling (and posing) figure of Kaoru Seta… now motionless on the floor. Roselia stopped dead in the middle of their musical track.

“HER MAJESTY IS DEAD!” shouted Himari from the audience.

Everybody gasped.

“No!” cried Yukina. “If Her Majesty is dead… then the Kingdom of Dreams will disappear at any moment!”

“…What the _FUCK_ is going on?” asked Misaki.

Suddenly, the stage before them started rumbling and shaking with all the intensity of a magnitude-10 earthquake.

“The Phantasmagoric Realm is collapsing in on itself!” Ako yelled. “Everybody run!”

In the wake of the day’s intensely confusing events, Kanon’s brain only interpreted those last two words. Holding on tight to Misaki she flew off the stage and out of the theater, past rows upon rows of fetid masses before bursting outside.

They were barely able to make it out of the building before hearing a massive _CRUNCH_ behind them. Kanon spun around to see the entire Haneoka Academy collapse in on itself, debris and concrete swirling into a massive black hole that swirled and swirled and swirled until it made a little _pop_ and vanished, leaving the two of them before a now vacant lot. There were no other survivors.

“Did…” Kanon’s arms were shaking. “Did everybody just die?”

Misaki was huddled tight against Kanon’s chest, the stillest Kanon had ever seen. “Please do not let go of me anytime soon.”

“M-Misaki-chan…”

“Please.” Misaki looked into Kanon with the wateriest eyes in the world. “Listen to me. Can you hear me? Kanon-san?”

* * *

“Kanon-san? Kanon-san?”

Kanon was sound asleep on the giant jellyfish beanbag, having conked out mere moments after being presented with it. Misaki looked at her blank sleeping face, pink and at rest, and sighed. “I guess she was really tired.”

“Aw, she looks like she’s having a good nap!” said Hagumi.

“I’m glad she liked her present!” said Kokoro.

“Ah… what a pleasant dream she must be having.” Kaoru chuckled. “Sleep tight, little prince.”

Unheard by all, the tiniest _fuee_ in the world escaped Kanon’s unconscious lips.

**Author's Note:**

> It was all a dream... OR WAS IT?
> 
> The title of the fic is a mashup of "hakanai" with "heika," a title that Revo (the guy behind Sound Horizon and the most extra human being alive) made his fans call him that translates to "Your Majesty." Several other details about Kaoru in this fic (the gratuitous German, the twisted fairy tale aesthetic, the large prosthetic yaoi hands) are also lifted directly from him. Sound Horizon is a trip.
> 
> ALSO this was written for Kanon's birthday HAPPY BIRTHDAY KANON may you keep princess-carrying your girlfriend long after you're married
> 
> Twitter: @DivineNoodles  
> CuriousCat: DivineNoodles


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